just a little bird trying to uptown funk herself through life.

i like animals and space and tv shows about vampire slayers.

lukenewberry:

• “okay buddy you’ve been serenading the wrong window for about five minutes now, time to let you know my neighbor is out of town” au
  
• “you hired me to be the surprise stripper for your friend at this bachelor/bachelorette party and they did not take it well and threw both of us out in the freezing cold this is all your fault” au
  
• “i’m the superhero’s sidekick and you’re the super villian but i don’t know that and we both met on an online dating website and you look really familiar?” au
  
• “you’re a stress baker and i stay up too late working and i’m writing a thank you note to the ethereal being responsible for the food magically appearing in the common room” au
  
• “it’s autumn and we’re both picking pumpkins upstate but you picked one that’s bigger than you are and it looks like you’re struggling oh god do you need help???” au
• “you were trying to make a snow angel but the snow is too deep and you can’t get back up and i’m trying to decide whether to keep laughing at you or help you” au
  
• “i’m a figure skater who’s trying to practice and you took your baby cousins out to the rink but none of you can skate do you need help??” au
  
• “you’re supposed to be on a blind date with someone but you sat down at the wrong table and i haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise to tell you that and it’s been thirty minutes” au 
  

kenaiskoda:

I see a lot of these posts with AUs for ships where they are just getting together, but not many for already established relationships, so here you go! Enjoy :)

•Our AC is out and it’s the middle of the summer AU

•We decided it would be fun to go camping and now it’s raining and we can’t figure out how to set up the tent AU

•We’ve been celebrating our wedding anniversary on the wrong day for the past nine years AU

•You had a business trip and I missed you so much that I kind of tore up the house in your absence like a dog with separation anxiety… sorry? AU

•It’s 2 am but you’re craving cake and we’re both up anyway so let’s bake in our underwear AU

•I know you haven’t had the best experience with cats in the past but look at its face please please can we keep it? AU

•I beat you at Mario Kart and now I’ve been banished to the couch for the night AU

•You found me crying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night surrounded by a shattered jelly jar AU

•I surprised you with tickets to see our favorite band… WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SURPRISED ME WITH TICKETS TO SEE THEM TOO? AU

•What do you mean you dropped my signed copy of Harry Potter in the bathtub AU

•Our families came over for Thanksgiving and we decided to watch Lord of the Rings but you and I kept quoting it and everyone else got so fed up that they left AU

•IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH AU

•We spent all our money for the week on one of those inflatable bounce houses and now we can’t afford to eat AU

•We’re moving in together… Now what are we going to do with all of these duplicate copies of books, movies, video games, etc. that we have AU

•We’re watching Toy Story 3 and we can’t stop crying AU

•We’re arguing over who shot first (it was definitely Han) AU

•I came home to a Nerf gun on the front porch and a note that says ‘Here is your weapon. I have one too. Good luck. xo’ AU

thespideybite:

• “HEY STOP! YOU’RE STEALING MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG! WHAT THE FU – oh, they hired a dog walker? hahaha haha.. ha… carry on”
  
• “i’m in the nurse’s office a lot with migraines and you’re always in here organizing her tongue depressors and i really don’t think you go to this school so what gives”
  
• “the building manager neglected to tell me the window washers would be coming by today so excuuuuuuse me for thinking that twenty three floors up was high enough that i could dance around in my office without being seen”
  
• “you’ve been awkwardly inching your way towards the human sexuality section of the bookstore i work at for like fifteen minutes are you looking for something in particular or –?”
  
• “you and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game”
• “it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping”
• “my favorite band dropped a new single today and i’ve had it on repeat for seven hours and i can see you judging me but that isn’t going to make me shut it off"
  
• “hey new neighbor it appears that your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and they’re really jealous and i’m sorry but not really because hellloooooo there”
• “you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass we’ll talk”

aegontargaryen:

just think about it

• them arguing over which music to play and in the end they just play the funkiest songs they can find like the playlist of shrek or what does the fox say and slowly everyone of them start singing along to the songs until they’re all screaming their lungs out and performing them dramatically
  
• there’s always this person that’s like “are we there yet” and “can we stop here? i nEED TO PEE” and everyone’s like goddamn it we just had a break ONE HOUR AGO WHY DIDNT YOU PEE “i didnt have to” FUCK YOu okAy fINE 
• one of them constantly falls asleep on other peoples shoulders but thats not the worst thing the worst thing is that they’re SNORING SO LOUD what the fuck but nobody says a thing and lets them sleep and when they wake up everybody is like “GOD KEEP UR SNORS TO URSELF” “u couldve woken me up” “nah u looked so peaceful”
• EVERYONE falling a sleep on each other, none of them care, there’s not enough space for them all but they just HAVE to do it somehow and some just kind of fall down the floor or just half and their limbs are all tangled in each other but they just dont care its okay its fine they just want to sleep
• them arguing over who drives next because nobody wants to drive in the middle of the night and dont want to be the only one awake when everyones peacefully sleeping and they just switch every couple of hours
• them stopping in the middle of the night at stores that open 24hrs and look like a huge fucking mess and probably have bad breath cause they just woke up and its 3 am and now we’re here in this store and want to buy snacks and everything is SO BRIGHT and “why the fuck are you sitting in this shopping cart its not right give it to me let me sit in it”
• and last but not not least: HOLDING HANDS DURING THE RIDE i dont care who or how many its just super cute 

jonahryan:

• You drive a massive SUV and steal my parking spot all the time and I was just heading out to leave a strongly worded note under your windshield wiper but oh no you’re hot AU
  
• I’m a barista and you’re the obnoxious customer who comes through and orders a venti macchiato while talking on the phone the whole time so I misspell your name in increasingly creative ways every day AU
• I’m a busy businessperson and my barista keeps misspelling my name in increasingly disrespectful ways, honestly, who does this person think they are AU
• We were both playing wingman for our friends who have now decided to go home together, and after five minutes of conversation we fucking hate each other, let’s bang it out AU
• I saw you trying to hit the “door close” button in the elevator but I made it in and then I pushed every single button to make you later for work, but now we’re stuck in this fucking elevator as it stops at every single floor and I don’t know what to say other than “you started it” AU
• I asked for your help getting a book off the top shelf and and you laughed at my taste and called me a nerd so I shoved you into a table of nonfiction best-sellers and that’s how we both got banned from the quirky community bookstore AU
• I take my grades very seriously and you’re the lazy asshole who asks a ton of off-topic questions to distract the professor and I might be a foot shorter than you but I swear to god I’ll fight you AU
• You tried to barge into a private conversation so I said something devastatingly witty and dismissive but you came back with something even meaner and more clever AU
• Shouting match over the last Thanksgiving turkey at the grocery store AU
  

adamantstove:

• I work at a craft store and I’m pretty sure you’re buying stuff to cosplay my favourite character 
  
• You have the same food allergy as me?! Lemme tell you about this great restaurant that you and I can actually eat in
  
• We both just gave blood and then you passed out on my shoulder
  
• We’re both at the sperm donation clinic and went for the same gay porn magazine
  
• You just had eye surgery and you got in my car thinking I’m your ride home
  
• We both volunteer for rival politicians who are competing for office
  
• I’m a park ranger and you’re an adult who should definitely not still be climbing trees at your age
  
• I came to this art class but you thought I was the replacement life drawing model so I just went along with it
  

sorcereriisms:

promptsfordays:

1. “I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”

2. “You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”

3. “We’re both baristas and sometimes I have trouble reaching for things and I show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU but also thanks”

4. “You are very tall and I am very short so you run into me all the time and honestly this is getting ridiculous”

5. I’m in art class and I just opened a cupboard to find a tiny person (you) squished inside and you just looked at and said “shh i’m hiding”

6. “We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” 

7. We’re at a concert and I can’t see a thing let me sit on your shoulders, maybe?” 

8. “You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting very suspicious” 

underworldwrites-deactivated201:

• “your country’s trying to take over/annex my country and you’re making it difficult to hate you because you’re so nice and attractive stop it” au
  
• “we’ve been engaged to be married since we were three but this is the first time we’ve met and your portraits really don’t do you justice” au
• “i’m a prince/ss and you’re a servant and we’re not supposed to hang out but we’re gonna fall in love anyways” au
  
• “i’m a prince/ss and you’re my bodyguard and we’re so not supposed to bang but we kind of did anyways” au (bonus: limo sex is great sex)
  
• princess diaries style “i grew up not knowing i was royal and suddenly my royal grandparent showed up out of nowhere and told me i was so now i guess i’m the heir to the throne and you’re my crush from my pre-royal days but i still have a crush on you” au
  
• alternately, “i grew up not knowing i was royal and now i guess i’m heir to a throne and you’re the guy who’s supposed to be teaching me how to be royal bc i suck at it and oops we made out” au
• “i’m a prince/ss from a small country nobody’s heard of and i’m in college pretending not to be royal and you’re another student who’s always calling me out on my bs” au
  
• “my country’s going through some issues so i’m here in hiding and you’re a civilian who lives in the same apartment complex as me” au

molliehooper:

1. soulmates au
2. childhood best friends au
3. teacher/student au
4. teacher/single parent au
5. one night stand and falling pregnant au
6. meeting at a coffee shop au
7. fake relationship au
8. roommates au
9. meeting online au
10. high school popular kid/nerd au
11. partners in crime au
12. writer and editor au
13. co-stars au
14. lab partners au
15. meeting in the E.R/A&E au
16. brand new neighbours au
17. meeting at a party whilst drunk au
18. waking up with amnesia au
19. parents meeting when they take their kids to class au
20. dysfunctional relationship au
21. best friends sibling au 
22. two miserable people meeting at a wedding au
23. meeting on a train ride au
24. literally bumping into each other au
25. librarian/avid reader au
26. sitting on the same park bench au
27. meeting at a support group au
28. knocking on the wrong door au
29. going away to war au
30. tourist/knowledgeable local au
31. prostitute/client au
32. doctor/companion au
33. celebrity/fan au
34. meeting at a masquerade ball au
35. one of them trying to get the other one off of drugs au
36. living in a society where their love is taboo au
37. meeting in prison au
38. cop/person getting a speeding ticket au
39. long distance relationship au
40. exes meeting again after not speaking for years au
41. ghost/living person au
42. star-crossed lovers au
43. falling in love with their best friend’s partner au
44. one of them being diagnosed with a terminal illness au
45. pretending to hate each other au
46. nanny/single parent au
47. meeting at a festival au
48. meeting again at a high school reunion au
49. boss/intern au
50. going through a divorce au

theappleppielifestyle:

more otp hot mess aus:

• ‘you’re lying on the floor of the movie theater crying and i’m the employee who has to tell you another movie starts in five minutes so you have to leave and i’m really sorry but im also confused as to why a documentary on lightbugs affected you so much’ au
• 'i found you sleeping on my balcony when i went out to water my plants why are you here and more importantly how did you get here we’re eighteen floors up’ au
• 'i’m having a minor breakdown in the middle of bed bath and beyond and you’re a bewildered shopper who wants to buy plates but also to make sure i’m okay bc im wailing a little bit in the kitchenware section’ au
• 'i asked a staff member and they said you’ve been coming to the pound every day to play with the dog i’m taking home today and that’s why you’re getting weirdly emotional’ au
• 'why are you dancing in your underwear to kelly clarkson in a public bathroom while brushing your teeth’ au